the dogs are barking. at leaves or the wind perhaps, but there's always a little part of me that is scared. i dont know why. reilly's in now. its all good. im talking to matvei about life and stuff. he always seems to make me smile a teensy bit. i saw starsky and hutch with matt today. stupid freakin movie, though funny. hmmmmm....letsee. nothing is new and yet everything is all at once. its like ....hmmm. i dont know. just that. i dont know if you can understand that, hell i dont think i even do!! lol. its all good. i hope. thats basically what my life is- hope. well, and stress of course. but that should lessen soon, i hope, lol, being that ive decided that i will never date again, in my life, much less fall in love, though i dont think i can do the latter, being though im stuck here and i cant get up. damn being a klutz! lol. well, the only thing i can do right now is pretend to be cheery, and maybe one day ill actually forget to try and just do it.

anyways. i feel really quite creative right now, like dance classes, or just doing something! ah! well, i g2get ready for sleepytime. hoping it comes. much love and flowers.

zhanna