god dammit

i hate it when i write something, no matter how much nonsense it is, and it doesnt save it. that makes my day so much worse. i am exceedingly saddened. i did see timeline today however. that was the one and only good point. of the entire day. i sorta had fun with nikki, but i once again did not find a dress that i absolutely love. ill probably get that blue one in deb that made me actually look skinny. semi-skinny at least. i dunno. i wish it was red. but no, had to be dark blue.

i helped out at the flower shop today. heehee flowers are pretty-ful. specially the daisies and all the roses. nikki said i need to get flowers for formal, but im reallyreally clueless. and i want to cry. kinda. but not. im so damn bored its so frustrating. and most of the dresses i tired on made me look unbelievably fat. like 100 times worse than what i usually think i am. dammit i hate having no self-esteem. it sucks! see, im really angry. damn it all to hell. if there is such a place. its probably one big dress store that has nothing pretty, red, and in my size. at all. provided there is such a place as hell.

see, i attempt to be cheery and it just goes downhill. maybe because im super tired.or maybe perhaps its because im actually accepting reality. or maybe its just being an egelhof. which i hate. that name is so icky! my name is icky. as is my nose. i looked in the mirror when dress shopping with nikki and ryan, and i was all holy shit! what happened to my nose!? in any case, if people dont like the way i am then ffeh. im an egelhof, and therefore exceedingly cynical, and ya'll just have to live with that. hmph!

in any case, i am in serious need of sleep

i need warmth

i need weight loss

i need happy-ness happy

i need joy

i need this weekend to end. friggen holly-daisies

love and flowers

zhanna